Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
