You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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