gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
