Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
