You're my little dorito
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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