I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
