just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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