The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
