I cockslap morals
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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