this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
