Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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