Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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