Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
