Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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