I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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