Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
