Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
