I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
