I want to stick my p in your. b.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
