Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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