Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
