too bad you live with your parents still
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
