Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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