no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
