I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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