Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
