I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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