I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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