i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
