I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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