Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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