she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
