it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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