pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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