party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
