Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
