she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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