don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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