wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
