how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
