if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
