I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my being single is dangerous.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
