I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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