I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
