You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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