Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
