I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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