meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
