Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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