Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
