cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
