dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
