So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
