oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
