I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
