a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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