They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
