I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He has the fingertips of a God
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