i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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