Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
