Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
