There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
