I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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