Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
ttyl tear gas
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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