As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
