Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
