Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
