Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
