remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
