god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Having a random hookup so left but love u
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
