Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
