you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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