Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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