Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
