I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
