The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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