Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
