I think I am morally bankrupt
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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