You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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