I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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